Lost and Damned
by AstrophobicChick
Summary: Sam leaves. Again. Dean and Cas get drunk and Dean ends up spilling a load of secrets, one of them including his feelings for Cas. Unfortunately for Cas, Dean's already falling off the rails and not even an Angel can save him now. Or can he? Cas will die trying to save the one he loves before Dean's lost forever. Destiel. Angst,


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the plot idea. Supernatural and it's characters belong to someone a lot smarter and more creative than me.**

**Ship: Destiel**

**Warnings: Some random fluffyness.**

**Category: Angst/Romance/Hurt/Comfort. **

* * *

Another argument. Another slammed door. Another departure.

Sam was gone. Again.

Dean should have been used to it by now. After all, he and Sam were arguing on a weekly basis these days, and things were only getting worse as time went by. He had lost count of the amount of doors his little brother had broken in his fits of anger. This was probably door number twenty two.

'Dammit!' He raised both hands to his head, tugging on the spiky hair while his eyes remained on the spot Sam had recently vacated. 'Why does he do this? Every single _time.' _

Dean wasn't sure what had changed between him and his brother. One minute they were fine, the next they were trying to kill each other. He half thought that Sam was possessed or under some spell, but after doing all the tests necessary, he realised that he was wrong. Sam was still _Sam._

Just slightly different.

He didn't bother following his brother. What would be the point? They would have another public argument, Sam would probably punch him in the face again and he didn't want or need that right now. Instead he turned towards the fridge on autopilot and pulled out a chilled bottle of beer, cracking it open and taking a huge swig.

'Dean?'

Dean jumped at the familiar voice, his body still on high alert and adrenaline from Sam's departure. Beer sloshed down his shirt and he cursed quietly, turning to see Cas stood in one corner of the room, his eyes fixed on the older Winchester.

'I saw Sam leaving. Is everything al-'

'Everything's fine.' Swiftly cutting him off, Dean shot the Angel an annoyed glare. 'Everything's _always _alright.'

Cas could sense that Dean was lying but didn't push the subject, instead walking over to the fridge and grabbing himself a beer. He only really drunk when he was stressed out or when Dean needed company, and right now he knew that Dean needed someone. Even if he would never admit to it.

'Do you mind if I stay for a while? I'm avoiding Heaven for a bit.' He snapped off the lid to his bottle and sat down on Sam's bed, eyeing the room cautiously. A broken lamp and specks of blood on the floor told him all he needed to know.

'Did you two fight again?'

'Cas. Please.'

Dean snatched up a spare t-shirt and threw it over the blood stains, hiding them from view. The blood belonged to him and his head still throbbed from where the lamp made contact with his left ear. _Ducked too late. Who the hell hits their brother with a lamp anyway? _

_'_You two need to sort this out, Dean. How will you save the world if you can't work toge-'

'Cas!'

Already fed up of Cas' advice, Dean picked up another t-shirt, scrunched it into a ball and tossed it at the Angel's head.

'I don't need your help, okay? I can deal with my brother alone.' He chugged back more beer, wanting to get drunk not talk about how much he failed as a sibling right now.

'Sorry.' Cas sipped his beer and sighed. Dean was his best friend, his family, and maybe more. He hated seeing him like this, but what could he do? He didn't want to annoy the hunter even more. So he just sat and drank his beer in silence, keeping a close eye on Dean in case he needed him or finally cracked. Whichever came first.

'I just want to get drunk and forget that this Saturday even exists. Is that okay with you?'

'Of course, Dean.' He stopped drinking once he reached halfway and set the bottle down on the floor, figuring that one of them should be sober in case something did happen.

Dean on the other hand was now on his fourth bottle of beer and seemed slightly happier. He padded over to Cas and sat beside him on the bed, one hand on the Angel's shoulder.

'You know, I don't really need Sam. Not really. He only holds me back and makes me feel guilty over stuff that I can't change, even if I wanted to.'

Cas stayed silence, unsure of what to say.

'I mean, I do _so _much for him and yet one small thing still tears us apart. It's pathetic.' He moved his hand from Cas' shoulder to the bed and knocked back more beer, unable to shut up now.

'I was gone for a freaking _year _and he just moved on. Like that. Like I was nothing.' He snorted. 'And I know that he came back to me and shit, but still. It doesn't exactly feel me with warmth, ya know?'

Cas didn't know what to do. Human emotion wasn't something he understood too clearly and having Dean so close was causing his mind to go into overdrive for all the wrong reasons. He could smell the hunter and it was doing all sorts of bad things to him. Dean smelled amazing. He always did. Musky with a hint of something else. Something unique to the older brother. That familiar smell made his stomach twist and he still didn't understand why. Dean was his best friend, everyone could see that. But could they see the way Cas looked at him when he thought no one would notice? Could they see the look of longing in Cas' eyes when Dean was alone and needed someone? Could they see the flash of jealousy when Dean flirted with yet another girl?

He was an Angel. He wasn't meant to feel these things, it was _wrong. _And yet, Cas couldn't help himself.

'Cas? Are you listening?'

Snapping out of his thoughts and almost having a heart attack at how close Dean's hand was to his face, Cas blinked. 'Sorry, I uh... got a message.'

Lying wasn't Castiel's thing. But he would rather lie a million times than admit the truth to Dean and get laughed at, or even worse, lose him forever.

'Was it important? Do you need to leave?' Dean's brown eyes locked onto his blue ones and Cas nearly lost himself again, internally cursing the older Winchester. _Dammit Dean, do you know what you're doing to me? I'm so going to Hell. _

'Well?' Dean nudged him in the ribs. 'Earth to Cas. Can you hear me?'

'Uh, yeah. I mean, no. No I don't have to leave.' _But I should. Before I say something I regret._

_'_Good, because you're the only one I have right now, Cas. Bobby's dead, Sam's left, Garth is driving me insane. I need you to be here for me.'

He finished off his fourth bottle and stood up again, using Cas for support. 'Me and you are going to get wasted tonight and have some fun, alright?'

'Sure thing, Dean.' He shot the hunter a small smile and picked up his bottle, necking it back in one. 'Is there any more beer in the fridge?'

Dean wandered over and opened the fridge with a frown. 'One left. Dammit. I'll go and get some more.'

'I'll do it. I'll be quicker than you, and you shouldn't be driving in your state.' He vanished before Dean could answer, reappearing in the local liquor store. Being an Angel had it's advantages. The ability to disappear and reappear wherever and whenever Cas wanted was a huge bonus. He could check on Dean and then leave before anyone even knew he was there.

Picking up several bottles of the stronger stuff, Cas idly walked up and down the aisles, taking his time. Dean wanted to get hammered and he wasn't going to do that on cheap beer. He chose some whiskey, some scotch and something that looked like rum before poofing back to the motel where the Winchester's were staying.

Dean was just downing the last bottle of beer when he returned. He looked at the alcohol in Cas' arms and arched a brow, surprised.

'I said get wasted, not kill myself from alcohol poisoning. I don't have that amazing tolerance that you do, buddy.'

He threw the empty bottle into a trash can and walked over, taking the whiskey and popping it open before sniffing the contents.

'Whoa. That's _strong. _Perfect.' He flashed Cas a warm smile and flopped onto the couch, whiskey still in one hand. 'Are you joining me or what? Don't make me beg.' He fluttered his eyelashes in what he hoped was a cute manner and winked at Cas, having absolutely no idea what affect his actions were having on the Angel.

'I'm coming.' Setting the other two bottles down on the table, Cas sat beside Dean leaving a small gap between them both. Dealing with this was much easier when Sam was there. Cas could focus on the younger Winchester and carefully avoid Dean. Now with only two of them it was much harder. He couldn't avoid Dean, and deep down he didn't want to. He liked being wanted, he liked the closeness and even though one day it would undoubtedly be his downfall, he liked having Dean in his life.

'Don't know what I would do without you, Cas.' Dean muttered, happily chugging the whiskey without a care in the world. A quarter of the bottle was already gone and Cas frowned.

'Maybe you should slow down with that.' He reached over to take the bottle from Dean's grip but got distracted when their fingers brushed against each other, a small buzz of electricity causing him to sharply pull away again. He glanced at Dean who looked just as confused as he did and quickly recoiled to the other end of the couch.

'Sorry.'

'It's fine. Probably just the alcohol.' Dean didn't have a clue what he was saying. He just needed Cas to stop looking at him like that, it was unnerving and slightly arousing at the same time. He cleared his throat and returned to the whiskey, no longer interested in talking.


End file.
